


Through the Tulips

by jkkitty



Series: Napoleon and Illya  (can be read in any order) [43]
Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-10-05 07:02:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10300430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jkkitty/pseuds/jkkitty
Summary: A Spring Fling Request for Jamesjones in MFU ScrapbookBumbling Thrush agents, a field of tulips and Napoleon having a bad day.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jamesjones](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=jamesjones).



[ ](http://s1260.photobucket.com/user/jkkitty/media/spring%20fling_zps5jihlxhv.jpg.html)

 

A Spring Fling Request for Jamesjones gen or gen mature.

Bumbling Thrush agents, a field of tulips and Napoleon having a bad day.  

 

 

The trail was empty as the park was closed to the public for another week yet.   Illya and Napoleon were using it as a meeting place for a contact with information about Thrush’s new project.

 

_***“Oh, tiptoe from the garden,_

_By the garden of the willow tree_ _,_

_And tiptoe through the tulips with me.”_

 

Illya put his hands over his ears moving as far away from his partner as was still hear him but at a lower level.  Since they had started walking down the path, Napoleon had taken to singing that darn song.  “Really Napoleon, we are on an assignment.   Could you please stop singing that irritating song?”

 _We'll keep the showers away_  
And if I kiss you in the garden, in the moonlight  
Will you pardon me?  
And tiptoe through the tulips with mee EEE EEE!  

Napoleon finished the song for at least the fifth time.  “Come on partner.   You must admit, this path just begs for the song.   Besides we’re a way to go before we get to connect with the contact. Live it up and enjoy this great spring day.  There’s a beautiful view before you.”

“I would rather just get this assignment over.”   Leaning against an overhanging tree that kept the sun off him while waiting for his partner to catch up to him.

“You have no beauty in your soul,” Napoleon started to grin as Illya grabbed him from behind the tree and dumping him into the tulips.   “What the heck?   My singing isn’t that bad.” Napoleon demanded as Illya covered his mouth.

“Will you shut up?   Your singing has attracted the wrong kind of audience.”   Illya whispered as a bullet buzzed past their heads quickly followed by a few more.

“We know you’re there, Solo.  Come out before we pepper the area with bullets.”  A voice shouted.  Bullets followed the threat hitting over their head in the tree.

Napoleon raised his head a little between the branch and saw two Thrush agents standing behind him and three in front of him on the pathway, one who was doing the talking.

“I don’t think they know you’re here,” he told Illya.  “There’s around us to get out of this without using some diversion.”

“Meaning?” Illya looked unhappy at what Napoleon was suggesting.

“As they know I’m here but not you, so I’ll give myself up.  Once they’re are busy with me, you take them out. Between the tree and the flowers that are tall enough that they’ll cover you until their attention is on me.”  Napoleon gave his a ‘come on Illya you can do it’ smile. 

“I am not happy about your plan, but it seems to be the only thing we can do now, I will….”  Illya began as another hall of bullets come their way.   One bullet hit a rock next to him sending a piece of it hitting him in the head and knocking him out.

“Last chance Solo.   Come out now or die.”  The Thrush leader shouted out. 

Making sure that Illya was breathing and his heart rate was acceptable, Napoleon left his communicator and gun by Illya before he stood up moving away from his partner and onto the path while moving toward the speaker with his hands behind his head.  He knew when Illya came though he would come looking for him.

“Ah Mr. Solo, so nice to join us.   My name is Eric, and you’re going to give me the information your contact gave you.”

“I’m sorry Eric, is it? But I must disappoint you.    I don’t have the information.  He wasn’t where he was supposed to be.”   Hoping that the man didn’t know he hadn’t met the contact yet.

“I don’t believe you,” Eric shot back.  He looked at the other men who were standing with looks of excitement on their face.

“What are you idiots doing?  Someone cuff him.”   The irritation clear in his voice.

“It Napoleon Solo sir. I mean he’s an UNCLE legend.”  One of the men whispered.

“Just get him cuffed,” Eric ordered.

 “With what sir?”  Another one of the men asked.

‘I’m going to get even with whoever saddled me with these newbies,” he thought as he barked, “The handcuffs you have in your pocket, you dummkopfs.”

Two of the men fumbled in their pocket and pulled out handcuffs.   Standing in front of Napoleon they held them out while looking at Eric.

“He’s not going cuff himself, just give me those darn things,” the Thrush chief demanded as he grabbed one out of the man’s hand before grabbing Napoleon left hand.

“The other one,” Eric demanded.    Grinning while trying not to laugh Napoleon offered it to him.

“Babysitting some new recruits, are you?  I hope this isn’t the best of the bunch.”  Napoleon laughed as he couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“Shut it Solo, or you’ll be sorry. I need to look around the area for another UNCLE agents. Can you manage to get him to the cave over there without help or do I need do that also?”  He shot at the men standing around him.

Pushing and shoving Napoleon, the group managed to get him to the cave entrance before shoved him to the ground outside the entrance.

………

Illya woke with a pounding headache.  Noticing Napoleon was no longer with him, he knew that his partner had given himself up.  “You _болван_ (blockhead).  Why could you not wait?” He swore under his breath.

Standing up, he became dizzy and leaned against the tree.  As his head cleared, he heard footsteps coming his way and moved quickly from the spot where they had hidden.  A few moments later Eric, gun in hand, walked past the place where he was hiding.  Illya watched as the Thrush agent search the area and head back the direction he men had headed.  Waiting a minute, Illya carefully followed him.

…….

Eric headed toward the cave which wasn’t difficult as he heard the off-key voice of Solo singing, Tip Toe Through the Tulips. 

Arriving at the cave, Eric gritted his teeth, pronouncing each word tightly.  “Why is he outside the cave?” Then turning to Napoleon, he demanded. “Solo stop that confounding song.”

The ‘newbies’ looked at each other until one gathered his courage and said, “We don’t know what’s in there sir.  It could be dangerous in there.”

Napoleon continued to sing until Eric turned and backhanded Napoleon.

“Shut-up,” he ordered.  “Get him into the cave so I can question him.”

Two of the men helped Napoleon up and moved toward the cave.  At that point, Napoleon started humming the song. 

“Silence him. I can’t stand to hear that darn song one more time.”  Eric ordered his men. 

“How are we to do that sir?”  one of the men asked.

“Do I have to do everything myself?  Use the tape, you idiot.  And before you ask, it’s in the bag we brought along.”  Eric was ready just to shoot everyone and walk away.

Hearing footsteps coming their way, Eric ordered, “Bind his feet with the tape also and dump him into the tulips.  They’re tall enough to keep him out of sight.”

After taping his legs and covering his mouth, they carefully placed him in the tulip patch.   Then turned for the next order.

Eric shook his head, “Go search for whoever out there now.” 

“Do you want some of us here to watch him?” One man asked hopefully.

Eric with his teeth clenched, “No!  I want you to go out there and see who there.” 

“What if they start shooting sir?”

Mumbling Eric responded, “I wouldn’t be so lucky.”  That louder, “Then shoot back.”

The four men started to trample through the tulips.

Glancing over at Napoleon, he saw the UNCLE agent was laughing under the tape.

“Just clam up Solo.  I don’t know what Thrush is coming to, but maybe it’s time for me to get out of business.”

……                                                          

Illya had followed the sound of Napoleon’s singing until he could see the men surrounding him.   After watching for a while, he loudly moved away from their site knowing he would be followed him. 

Silencing his footsteps, he circled behind the four bumbling agents and darted them.   Within a few seconds, they were asleep in the flower garden. 

Illya looked at the sleeping Thrush agents and called for cleanup.  He then came behind Eric, sitting on a rock watching Napoleon.  “Eric, is it?”  He asked as he placed the barrel of his gun on the back of his neck.

“I assume you’re his partner.” The Thrush agent asked exasperation.

“Illya Kuryakin.   Please drop the gun and place your hands on your head.”  He ordered.

“All the others are out of service, I suppose,” Eric stated.

Binding his hands with some zip ties, “My men will be here soon to take them in.   Right now their sleeping off my dart.”

Eric shook his head. “Could you do me one favor?  Whatever you do don’t put me into the same cell as those idiots.” 

Laughing, Illya agreed before heading toward Napoleon.

………..  

Illya bent down next to his partner pulling two tulips out of Napoleon’s hair.   “I called for cleanup. They should be here shortly. Cannot wait to see how you write this report up.  Starting with singing loudly that drew Thrush’s attention to you, then being held by four of the stupidest agents I have ever seen and winding up with tulips in your hair. Or perhaps this is one report I will enjoy doing for you.  Wait I believe I have my camera with me. I am sure if I take a picture it would explain everything to Mr. Waverly.” 

The bound agent mumbled something through the tape that was probably best not repeated.

Removing Napoleon’s gag, he moved to uncuff his hands and untied his feet, Illya began to hum _And tiptoe through the tulips with me._  He helped his partner up from the tulip garden before attempting to brush him off. 

“Shut up,” A grumpy Napoleon demanded.

“But I am just livening up and enjoying this great spring day and beautiful view before me.” The smirk in Illya’s voice evident.

Giving his partner a sour look, he started shaking out his hands and stomping his feet to get the blood moving again.

“Oh Napoleon,” Illya said in a sing-song voice, “You have a tear in the back of your pants.” 

“I hate you sometimes,” Napoleon sulked as he brushed the pollen off his pants and stalked off down the lane with the words from Tip Toe Thru the Tulips following him.

 

*** _Tip Toe Thru the Tulips_ by [Nick Lucas](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nick_Lucas) in 1929 in the film [ _Gold Diggers of Broadway_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gold_Diggers_of_Broadway_\(film\)).  Became famous once more in 1968 by [Tiny Tim](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiny_Tim_\(musician\)),


End file.
